Happy 420 for you but not for me

[Insane-maryjane]

Thank you very much funky b, i have just read your reply there. Sorry for my lack of paragraphs i was always told off for that + my neverending sentences back in my school days!

My uncle, dads twins brother suffered a stress induced psychotic break at 56+was sectioned for 3months, my grandmother was manic depressive, my half sister is schizophrenic + my dad is undiagnosed (our family have always known he's mentally ill but he does not like doctors)

No i've not been on any medication since 25th Feb when i took myself off Haliperidol - ive had bad experiences with the NHS mental health services since my episode unfortunately - after persisting to see a female psychiatrist (originally was told i didnt have the 'luxury' of seeing a female despite past traumatic experience) I eventually got the opportunity a month ago + this lady was very supportive of my decision not to take antipsychotics + she doesnt think i need to be on medication but thinks i'd benefit from cognitive behavioural therapy. Its comforting to hear you are still able to smoke although you have been diagnosed bipolar (i've often wondered many times if i am too) + i hope to one day be able to smoke again one day albeit a much lesser amount. Thank you so much for your support + kind message.✌❤

[mrnice586]

Iv had a phycotic episode a couple of them infact and im only young. One thing iv noticed is its always based around stress and enviroment rather than cannabis its self. But .... it doesnt help if your not in the right mind frame. If your not well and emotional than i wouldnt smoke or drink. And keep your mind active ie plant some veggies in the garden, play a game on console or pc or something to help you stop thinking. Olazapine can be helpfull but youll be a couch potato and gain quite abit of weight. Which can make your depression worse of your consious about your self. Just remember Things will always get better. The only way is up.

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[Insane-maryjane]

That's a sad story. Sounds like you're doing what has to be done. I do believe 100% that excessive weed can accelerate and worsen mental illness to the point of acute psychosis in the same way excessive long term high dosage use of Prozac will. In fact it's pretty similar Prozac Induced Psychosis as the both thc and prozac have a direct effect on cannabinoid receptor type 1

I'm Bipolar, spent time in a mental health hospital as an in-patient after some pretty serious manic and depressive episodes though fortunately not to the point of acute psychosis(not on weed at the time and had none in my system) but mixed with many patients who had it. Professionally(until the bipolar incapacitated me) I'm a mental health support worker, so been around a lot of people with psychosis that way to, despite spending so much time with people in various stages of the condition, I find utterly impossible to comprehend what you must be going to through in your head. Very very scary stuff. I've knocked on the door to insanity but never stepped through it like you have. Frightening stuff.

I know not having weed is in itself tormenting you, but I think you know you're doing the right thing by knocking it on the head. I don't think the weed it self will have been the problem, it's the amount you've been smoking which has contributed. I rarely smoke over half a gram a day. Bit more if it's Sativa. In small doses it's a very efficient anti depressant. If I start letting my dosage get out of hand, I think it would see my bipolar worsen as well as worsening the risk of psychosis. I have both bipolar and psychosis running in my family too, on both sides.

Have they got you on Olanzapine? I found it very couch locky, but then, I was in a period of my life when I didn't smoke weed so It will probably have had more of a sedative effect on me than it would on you due to your tolerance.

I hope you manage to find some quality of life. It's very sad what's happened to you but thank you for sharing. It's good to show 420 doesn't just have to be a day to flaunt the recreation, it should be also be used to raise awareness and understanding and I think your post does just that.

When it comes to mental illness and weed, little is more, while high dosing is really really damaging imo.

You've typed all that out on a push button key pad mobile haven't you? Kudos on your efforts there. Maybe a mod could kindly break this lady's post into paragraphs to make it easier to read?

Thanks for the post maryjane

I'm sorry i'm not the best with technology + have replied to your msg in the post but not directly - like this -oopsy sorry - i've just downloaded the app so making things easier for me! Thank you so much for your msg. 😊

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[Insane-maryjane]

I will give the sunbeds a try as theres a lack of real sunshine here! ☔️ I'm lucky my mum has been here for me + lucky i was only kept in hospital for 3days - many others are kept in for months - i've felt suicidal at times because of certain life circumstances but after hitting rock bottom can only try to climb back up + im feeling a wee bit better each day. Anxiety isn't as bad as a few weeks ago, its just the depression that seems to sneak up + keep rearing its ugly head. I have to force myself to get outside + exercise. Thanks to you + everyone who is replying to me it means a lot + is very helpful.

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[Squib95]

Hi and welcome to the forum its a very difficult to comment on this sort of an issue what I can say is that if your having withdrawal symptoms maybe speak to some professional and see if something high in CBD will be beneficial to you in anyway because from what I have heard they dont have so much of a psycoactive affect and may even help in some cases but again I'd reccomending contacting someone who knows a little more maybe in the U.S where they have done more research.
But Honestly I wish you the best of luck, everything thats happened sounds pretty messed up and I think its important to think of all the positives and try keep yourseld occupied around the people that actually care about you.

[TheDogsNutts]

Hello & Welcome to THCtalk.com Discussion forum m8, hope you enjoy yourself and find plenty of useful information on here……..

[The Cornishman]

Insane-maryjane, hello. You are not alone in your predicament and I am really sorry that you are feeling so horrid. I stated smoking at 16, wow what a discovery. I used to smoke at weekends when i had it. I was very happy and lived life to the full. However, throughout my childhood, when i eventually reflected on my life, there were signs of a peculiarity to my mental make up. I found that weed helped me focus and wrote some of my most insightful essays when stoned. Passed my A levels and off to uni, all good. At the start of my second year, one day l woke up with a migraine. Couldn't move cos my head hurt so much and it made me feel sick. This lasted for four days. I recovered, saw the doctor who was dismissive of my symptoms, and carried on as if nothing as happened. Towards the end of them second year I lost my cool big time; derangement would describe it best. I put it down to fatigue due to college work. All was good again for nearly two years. Then I became SAD, seasonal affective disorder, summer great with winter being a living hell. All this time my consumption of weed had been steadily rising. I grew as much as guerilla growing would allow, turning to dealing to fill the gap and pay for my now enourmous consumption. Like you i functioned with no problems. Winter depression turned into year round depression. And then woooo! Hyper mania kicked in. What a rush, i didn't need to sleep, I could work at an incredible rate, answer questions in my head seemingly before i had thought of the question!! And talk and talk and talk. In this state i felt invincible and felt as if i could do anything. This could last for several days before, without warning, a hole would open up into which i would fall back to the deapths of despair and negativity of deep depression. Scattered amoungst these episodes were mild psychotic breaks; misinterpretation of common occurrence, the feeling that i was connected to a greater whole that gave me insight that others didn't have. I never fully lost my shit though, somehow maintaining a semblance of normality through it all. My work colleagues just thought i was a tad alternative!!
In 1989 we moved to France to escape Thatcher's Britain and cash in the money we had tied up in our house. My mental health did not improve.
Pre dating my mental problems were issues with my back and teeth. I had a front tooth smashed when playing rugby which was replaced with a new implant. But not the same shape as the original tooth. This meant not being able to get the teeth on the right to come together meaning i had to chew on the left side. Despite telling dentists this they dismissed it. This led eventually to sever temporal mandibular joint (TMJ) disfunction, basically my jaw would dislocate with an horrendous crack and shooting pain.
My health was slowly going down hill. I then found an English cranial osteopath to keep my back functioning. On one occasion my jaw colocated and snapped back while he treated me. He proceeded to tell me the mechanics of the TMJ and the effect a disfunctioning TMJ could have.
That was nearly twenty years ago. We moved back to UK so I could see English dentists and argue my case. Eventually I ended up at Manchester dental hospital as they research ways to fix TMJ disfunction. Result after nearly ten years of dental work, stable TMJ's.
Back to the doc as my depression was no better and i was still in pain. Citalopram, an SSRI class pharmacuetical, sorted my depression.

How does this fit with weed consumption? When my TMJ issue was resolved I suddenly found the drive to smoke gone!!!! I didn't get up in the morning and have to smoke to start functioning. I didn't feel the need to have a smoke at every opportunity. I could get up feeling refreshed for the first time in 30 years. I could choose when to have a smoke and actually stopped at one point cos it really didn't seem worth smoking!!!! All my symptoms of depression and pain had gone.
All was well for three years. Then one day all the muscles in my neck went into spasm, shredding themselves. I nearly passed out due to the pain. I was not smoking at the time and hadn't for about a week. Codine was the only thing that numbed the pain. A couple weeks went by before we visited some friends and had a smoke. Halfway through the evening i realised that my pain levels were lower, by the end of the evening it was if i was never in pain. So back to the weed i went. I have now been given the diagnosis of Fibromyalgia.

Hang on in there. You are not alone. Look at other aspects of your health. I am a strong believer that the body will search out what it needs to help. I'm not saying your use is the same reason i used weed without knowing why. But i think you have the intellectual power to figure it out. You are started by stopping the anti psychotics you were on.

Hope this makes some sense to you.

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[ReeferDankness]

Hello from Scotland

[Insane-maryjane]

Hello Cornishman, mrnice586 + everyone here that has taken the time to read + reply to my long rambling post - also i apologise in advance as this post may end up just as waffly + long winded - sorryeo - they say women tend to use more words in a day than men + i guess I'm proving that stereotype to be correct!

Thank you all of you very much for your kindness + advice + for sharing your experiences + for helping me to feel not so alone.
I'd never posted in an online forum prior to this + feel really anxious about some of the personal stuff i've said on here + wish i could edit/delete some of what i've previously written but there doesn't seem to be an option to. 🙁

I'm aware of what fucking dafty cuckoo bird i am + i know im a right pain in the arse but i don't mean to be + I'm sorry for being annoying, i just don't have anyone i can talk to about all of this.

I'm really am sorry to hear some of the problems you've all suffered with your general + or mental health over the years. How did they eventually resolve your TMJ Cornishman? - I have a personal dental horror story but if i go off on that tangent people may fall asleep before getting to the end of my post!

I originally used weed to help with anxiety + depression in my teens + believe it helped ease these or maybe it just masked them, i dont know?
I also don't know if its been the effect of the psychotic episode/coming off the weed/coming off the antipsychotics or a combination of all of these but its been the worst time of my life + emotional turmoil - it may be hard for some to understand but it was like every traumatic experience i'd ever encountered in my life flooded my brain for weeks + i was (still am to an extent) tormented by my own thoughts + extreme emotions - On the positive now is not as bad as a few weeks ago + i do feel like I'm on the road to recovery - i am eventually getting a little more sleep at night + the dreams are not quite as vivid so i must be getting a deeper sleep which is good but i still still feel very low + crave weed everyday + sleep in till late in the day + have little motivation. Weird cos i'd happily have went out a cycle whilst smoking a spliff before, now i have to just force myself to go for a walk.

I have read stories about others coming off weed + they say how great they feel after a few months, some even after a few days but i've still yet to feel like this + constantly think about how much happier i was always stoned. Hopefully i will become happy with my life in other ways when circumstances change + once the depression has gone i will be able to enjoy a wee dooby again without going nuts - maybe someone can recommend some strains high in CBD + low in THC please as i've read theres no psychoactive effects from CBD. Thanks again. ❤

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[The Cornishman]

Maryjane, there are many sympathetic and understanding people on here suffering from ailments that are helped by weed. So you have no need to apologise for reaching out for help.
My TMJ prob was rectified with the aid of an occlusal splint. It is a hard, acrylic device - much like a gum shield - that fitted over my lower teeth. It was modified so that when i closed my mouth all my molars made contact at the same time. This stabilised my TMJ's allowing the ligaments around the joints to shorten or lengthen, thus holding the joint in place. Overtime several adjustments were made as my jaw returned to its natural position and stayed there. The replacement crown was replaced, after 35 years, with one that matched my natural tooth shape, and hey presto I could chew with right hand molars. To start I wore the splint 24/7 and only removed it to eat, as time went on i wore it only at night eventually stopping altogether.

It took over ten years to get to that point. Dentists and medics, in my experience, are very arrogant and do not listen only tell. When confronted with evidence contrary to their beliefs they will not meet you on an intellectual level; I have fallen out with many dentists, psychiatrists​ and doctors who were going to tell me what they were going to do without being able to argue their case in front of contrary evidence provided by me. The point to this is I took control of my treatment. I read, listened to what the quacks had to say and researched it, then asked them questions regarding their point of view, generally with me being shown the door as a response. Manchester was really a 'last chance saloon' for me as i had had enough of the life i was struggling to keep going. But it was clear as soon asking got there that they thought about things and grudgingly listened. Initially I drove up to Manchester three times in one week, it slowly reduced to once a week after three months.

When the splint was first correctly fitted the effect on me was astounding. I woke up the next morning refreshed and mobile and pain free for the first time in years. I had grown so accustomed to the pain i hadn't realised how bad it had become. It was life changing. This allowed me to then let my GP sort my head out. Fortunately I must have one of the very few doctors who listens and actually takes the time to discuss differing aspects of a treatment, actually crediting their patient with some intelligence and a valid point of view. She is a gem.

So you thought you could ramble maryjane. Self analysis is frowned on by those who will not listen to their own body. You are able to do that, so do it. You seem to recognise the root cause. And in my opinion it isn't your use of weed that is the problem; you, like me, stumbled on to a drug that helped mask your symptoms unaware that it had happened, you just used it. Now for some reason, factors conspired to send you over the edge. Was it really the weed that did that to you? Or was it that the underlying issue troubling you just got to much for your system to cope with? What's up with your teeth?



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