How can I stop the past from affecting the present?

**ilikeforks** · 21-05-12, 05:36 PM

Hey guys, I am new to this forum, this is my first post and as good a place to start as any I think!

I was just after some advice/fresh ways of thinking about something.

I'm 24 and have been smoking since I was 16 with around a 2.5 year break from 20 onwards when I moved into my boyfriend's parent's house.

I enjoy it, and despite having a history of depression and anxiety, have only ever had one negative experience whilst on weed. Looking back, it's pretty funny, but it had a profound enough effect on me back then that whenever I spark up it's always with me.

Basically my partner at the time and I were lying on the bed facing each other, we were both stoned, and... I can't remember what was said but we both ended up laughing about something. I glanced at his face while we were laughing and I was suddenly terrified by what I saw. There was nothing out of the ordinary, it was just his face. But something about his face being really close up, his mouth in a weird happy contortion, and his eyelids so heavy over his eyes... gave me the willies big time! I started to panic a little, asked him to stop looking at me like that, but he didn't. Asked him again. Nope. By this point I was really freaking out, hands had seized up, felt sick, ran to the bathroom and retched into the loo about 3 or 4 times. I felt a little bit better after I had stopped. And, thinking about it, it wasn't as bad as your average panic attack, as when I have had those in the past I generally feel like I'm gonna die.

Anyway, that's the only bad experience I have had yet I always worry, in the back of my mind, that a strange occurance like that might happen again that I have no control over and I might freak out again. It hasn't happened yet, although generally I smoke alone as I only smoke in front of or with people I trust and I must admit there aren't that many!

Really, I just want to kick back and enjoy the ride but I have found it harder to do this since that happened. Do you have any advice on letting go of that experience? Or even what might have caused it, so I can at least understand it and then put it behind me? I think I struggle because it was so random and unexpected.

Anyways, sorry for waffling....

Hope you can help. I'm gonna go source some potato waffles now that I've said waffles, cos I want some tasty waffles.

All the best,
Steph.

**nuube** · 21-05-12, 05:43 PM

OK will post back more later but to me, you had a traumatic experience and it will stay with you until you get an understanding of it. I too would have felt ill at ease smoking around people and 9999/10000 times I smoke alone, (only been with a couple of relatives home from Oz). I can now smoke and mingle with anyone and it doesn't faze me, (although I choose not to).

Ask yourself what exactly was so bad about that experience - what did it mean/represent to you? Was it the fear of loss of control was it a vulnerability you perceived when you are stoned? First step is understand what exactly it was that was so troubling, then take it from there.

Good luck.

**C21H30O2** · 21-05-12, 06:08 PM

yea happened to my girl mate she got attacked by some guy pushing him self on to her very strongly touching her and stuff. she had that for weeks think 6 weeks then it went from being a once in a blue moon event to i am not going out no more thing. a few months later we found the bloke tied him up in a garage and let her loose with a baseball bat it sort of sorted it out for her and is now in happy relationship for the past couple of months. its all good a eye for a eye hay

**C21H30O2** · 21-05-12, 06:14 PM

i think i should of been more clearer

bascailly i think you need to face up to it if you had a bad experience in the past you cant just live and forget abuot problems you got to face them and deal with them. same as not paying a phone bill you can not pay your phone bill for a couple of months and ignore all the warning letters and everything but one day they will send a balif around and fuck your credit score up.

weather its first just talking to some one close about it at least you are facing it and are not scared to talk about.

**TheCandyManCan** · 21-05-12, 06:19 PM

Originally Posted by C21H30O2

yea happened to my girl mate she got attacked by some guy pushing him self on to her very strongly touching her and stuff. she had that for weeks think 6 weeks then it went from being a once in a blue moon event to i am not going out no more thing. a few months later we found the bloke tied him up in a garage and let her loose with a baseball bat it sort of sorted it out for her and is now in happy relationship for the past couple of months. its all good a eye for a eye hay

None of what you have just said can help the lady with her issue and looks to be more of a gloat thinking you and your bird are hard cases lol

**ilikeforks** · 24-05-12, 05:21 PM

Lol thanks guys for the advice. Interestingly, the night I wrote this all out I had one of the best smokes I've had in a long time. Not perfect but not far off. I think it helped knowing that you guys generally know your stuff and any answers I get off you are gonna be based on experience and/or knowledge as opposed to people that don't smoke and just advise using guess work. Maybe it's all psychology but it has helped so I'm not complaining! Anyway, again, thanks very much!

**chancer123** · 24-05-12, 05:37 PM

Strange the effects of weed can have on your mind eh.maybe youd smoked to much or mixed it with booze and was just trashed.my mrs went on a mad one not long after she started smoking regularly( also suffered with panic attacks) and said she got lost between so many worlds( after we had had the smoke ) that she didnt know which one to return to ! totally freaked her out. She said she wasnt gonna smoke again cause it got her so scared. She still smokes now though and nothing like thats happened again. A lthough shes still waiting for the day to come when it does.

**gruff** · 24-05-12, 06:36 PM

im gunna say do what i did, when ever i had a bad experience with something i used to wait a while and then do it again. if you keep putting yourself in them situations where you feel uncomfortable or uneasy you get used to it.

When i first started blazing i was doing it in places i didnt like and people i didnt trust, and tbh the more i did with them the more i managed to put them feelings aside and do it without negative affects.

By the sound of the situation you was in, it seems easy to fix to me as you obviously trusted or still do trust him so that means it was just his face tripping you out at that moment in time, so get him to get caned with you and put your self in that position again and see how it feels, dont think of last time just enjoy the ride.

the best way to conquer fear is to face it head on, and anxiety is just fear

Peace out
gruff

**niceneasy** · 24-05-12, 06:49 PM

Everyone is entitled to have a little freakout every now and then, especially if you don't smoke regularly or the weed is very strong. The trick is to try and not read so much into it, or it will turn in the the monster thing you have now.

**gr33nfingers** · 25-05-12, 01:13 AM

Originally Posted by gruff

the best way to conquer fear is to face it head on, and anxiety is just fear

Well said

**gruff** · 25-05-12, 09:45 AM

thank you lol

**DanteSays** · 31-05-12, 04:24 AM

Steph,

Sounds like a scary experience. I can relate. I was high once and saw evil in my eyes. It frightened me very much but I think it was a message from myself that I was off track, in a negative state of mind and needed to make a change. I bring this up because it's easy to create a correlation between cannabis and a traumatic experience, however correlation is not the same as Cannabis causing the event. Cannabis has a funny way of showing us something if we pay attention. It's a medicine for the body, as well as the mind. And of course, freak outs do happen as someone said earlier - especially strong sativas, those tend to bring out my social anxiety more often. My advice: Don't be too hard on yourself for your bad experience and think about your beliefs about the herb. Our frame of mind determines a lot of outcomes.

I hope for the best outcome for you.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

**ilikeforks** · 09-06-12, 05:00 PM

Thank you so much for your replies. I am starting to realise that it wasn't the cannabis that made me freak out like that, it was my state of mind at the time. I do feel that cannabis has a lot to teach us about ourselves and when I am calm and peaceful I am rewarded yet when I am anxious and negative, I know not to smoke because it will only enhance those negative feelings too. I do struggle with anxiety, always have done, so I am starting to work towards sorting out the excessive feelings for good.

Again, thanks for all your help and suggestions, I really do appreciate it.

**tricone** · 09-06-12, 05:44 PM

Being stoned can just exaggerate emotions some times. I freaked out when stoned about 18 years ago. The whole room - the walls, carpet furniture were all evil. Every breath I took I breathed in this evil air. I ran outside onto the front lawn and curled into a ball, can't remember if I was crying or not but it certainly scared the shit out of me. I've no idea what bought it on, I had smoke with those people before and it was only soap. I guess I had a small feeling about something in my head and it just snowballed. I didn't smoke for a few months afterwards but then it I was ok about it and I've smoked most days since without any bother at all. If it kept happening I would stop, but one bad incident with a slightly hallucinogenic drug didn't put me off enjoying a nice smoke for the rest of my life.

**BigBudder** · 10-06-12, 09:34 AM

i done shrooms once and had a similar experience to yours tricone, except i saw satan etc... i tripped balls my friends said they had to put me on the floor and restrain me because i was freaking out lol scary at the time but thinking back i find it rather funny.

**Grub** · 10-06-12, 10:01 AM

For me, the secret is to not over-think things.

Cannabis affects the brain in many ways, most of which are still unknown to science. All drugs have side-effects and affect people in different ways and weed is no different.

My advice would be to smoke less (put less in a joint), and try to avoid 'trippy' high-THC strains.