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Thread: share ur jokes here

  1. #6111

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    What do you call an alligator in a vest?

    An investigator....

    Sent from ⚒Thames Iron Works⚒

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  3. #6112

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    What do you get when you mix a Cow with a Duck? Milk and crackers

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  5. #6113

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    Sorry


    Two prawns were swimming around in the sea. One called Justin and the other called Kristian.
    The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.
    Finally one day Justin said to Kristian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten".
    A large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted".
    Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Kristian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old friend.
    Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old chums simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin gradually realised that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
    While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.
    He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.
    With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam to Kristian's home.
    As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again".
    Kristian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner".
    Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed..."
    "I've found Cod. I'm a prawn again Kristian".

    From the groom


    "Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet."

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  7. #6114

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    While riding my Motorbike, I swerved to avoid hitting a sheep lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head. Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a new car pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?"

    As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse with cleavage to die for... "I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.

    She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.”

    That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"

    "Oh, come now, I’m a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."

    Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."

    We arrived at her place which was just a few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now"

    "Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, while unbuttoning her blouse exposing the most beautiful set of boobs I’ve ever seen. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

    "Still in the ditch with my Motorbike, I guess."

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  9. #6115

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    Hi all glad to see my joke thread i started years ago is still going strong .... Keep it up people

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  11. #6116

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  13. #6117

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    A bloke goes to the opticians -
    The optician says "I'm afraid your going to have to stop wanking" -
    Bloke:"Why, will I go blind?"
    Optician "No, but you are upsetting everyone in the waiting room"

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  15. #6118

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    Daddy Bull and son sitting on top of a hill, looking down in the medow, watching a heard of Cows grazing. The Son sad to the Daddy, lets run down there and fuck one of those Cows. Then the Daddy Bull said No Son, Lets walk down there and Fuck them all. lol

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  17. #6119

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    A bartender walks into a stable.

    The horse says, "Why the normal face?"

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  19. #6120

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    I named my dog 6 miles so I can tell people that I walk 6 miles every single day

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