share ur jokes here

[oJAE]

[Loki]

I bought a book about the dangers of deforestation. The first page says, “You’re not helping!”

[MonsterEnergy]

Jimmy is sitting in class, the teacher asks him a question

Jimmy, if there are 20 birds in a garden, and you shoot one
How many birds will be left?

jimmy replies - Non miss
she shakes her head and says, there would be 19 left wouldn't there

jimmy smiles and replies, but miss they would all fly away after you shoot one wouldn't they

jimmy then says miss, can i ask you a question?

she looks surprised but says ok.
3 women go into an ice cream parlor and get 99's, One woman licks her ice cream, the other sucks her ice cream the last woman uses a spoon,
which one of these women is married miss??

she looks puzzled but says - the one who is sucking her ice cream...

jimmy replies:- it's the one who is wearing the wedding ring, but i like how you think miss....

[Easy-T]

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

The woman storms off to the rear of the bus. She turns to the man next to her & says, "The driver insulted me!"

The man says, "Give him a telling off. I'll hold your monkey for you!"

From the groom

[Ironman]

What has four legs and a cunt half way up it's back?

A police horse!

Sent from Thames Iron works

[LondonSeedCentre]

Hope this one from Ray Donovan doesn't cross the line.
Jacob

[Macky]

Hope this one from Ray Donovan doesn't cross the line.
Jacob

Yes it's fucking funny mick, the best jokes are based on the truth lol

[jumpman233345]

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. He can play any musical instrument in the world. He hears everyone in the crowd laughing at him, calling him an idiot, etc. So he says that he will wager $50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can't play.
A guy walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix.
Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet better than Dizzie Gillespie.
Then a Scotsman walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sits it down with a confused look.

"Ha!" the Scot says. "Can't you play it?"

The octopus looks up at him and says, "Play it? I'm going to fuck it as soon as I figure out how to get its pajamas off."

[Easy-T]

I phoned my wife earlier and asked her if she wanted me to pick up fish and chips on my way home from work but she just grunted at me...

I think she still regrets letting me name the twins!

Sent from my G3121 using Tapatalk

[budfarmer]

My wife and her sister got caught in a thunder shower on the way home from weight watchers earlier..
..It was the funniest example of saturated fats I'd ever seen.

well if you think thats bad, i took MY wife and HER sister went to weight watchers the other night ....i opened the door to where they were all gathered and threw in a big handfull of malteesers all over the floor ......... best game of hungry hippos ive ever played .....