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Thread: share ur jokes here

  1. #21

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    lol good posts keep em coming boyz/girls
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    DEC 2010 POTM 3RD PLACE !!! x2 cfl bulbs big bud x super silver haze , and super lemon haze
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    room 1 , sour cream and amnesia haze CFL SCROG[/U]
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    When i am good no one remembers ... when iam bad no one forgets

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  3. #22

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    Madonna has said she is saddened to hear of Jordan's & Peter Andres divorce.She also wanted to ask if she can have first refusal on Harvey the blind boy if neither party wants him

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  5. #23

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    Stan tells his wife he's just popping out for a packet of tabs, on the way to the shop he passes his local boozer and thinks to himself "I'll just have a swift half, the missus wil never find out...."
    15 pints later, the landlord refuses to sell pint 16, telling Stan he's had too many. Stan suddenly realises the time and thinks shit, I'm gonna get a right earfull from the missus, I'll have to act sober and tell her I was helping to save a family from a burning house.
    As he gets off the bar stool, he falls flat on his face. He tries to get up from the floor, but with no success. He tries a second time to get up, but again ends up flat on his face. In his drunken state, he reasons that his wife will be asleep by now, and if he can just get home and into bed without waking her, he can tell her the rescue story in the morning.
    So, using just his arms, he drags himself across the pub to the door, and out into the street. He drags himself along the pavement in the direction of home. It is not an easy task, and takes him nearly three hours to drag himself to his block of flats. He drags himself to the lift, but cannot reach the button to the eighth floor, so decides to drag himself up eight flights of stairs. Another two hours later and he is finally on the eighth floor, so he drags himself to his front door. As he looks up, he sees his wife, standing in the doorway with her arms folded, looking very cross. "You've been down that bloody pub haven't you" she bellows. Stan panics and can't think of anything to say apart from "how do you know?"

    To which she replies " The Landlord from the Red Lion has been on the phone, you've left your fuckin wheelchair down there again!!!"
    Vdubber

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  7. #24

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    A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger tits'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make my tits bigger?' asks the girlfriend.
    'Well it worked for your ass' says the boyfriend

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  9. #25
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    Have you been injured?

    Had an accident?

    Fell over on a wet floor at work?

    Or tripped on an uneven kerb?

    If so....

    Sort yourself out you clumsy cunt

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  11. #26

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    A woman walked into a bar. She said to the barman "Give me a Double entendre."

    So the barman gave her one.

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  13. #27

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    Bill Bailey's post-modernist joke:

    Three men walk into a bar. Something terribly amusing happens and everyone laughs.

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  15. #28

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    A blind man was walking down the street with his guide dog. They stopped at the corner to wait for passing traffic. The dog, at this point, started pissing on the man’s leg. As the dog finished, the man reached into his coat pocket, pulled out a doggie treat and started waving it at the dog. A passerby saw what was happening and was shocked. He approached the blind man and asked how he could possibly reward the dog for such a disgusting deed. The blind man replied “Oh I’m not rewarding him… I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick his fucking ass.”
    if you're retired or you ain't got a job and you ain't growing and smoking weed ,i don't know what the fuck you are doing!

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  17. #29

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    the toilet was stolen from the local police station today.
    a police spokesman said the police had nothing to go on.

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  19. #30

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    Was at the cashpoint the other day (atm for our american cousins), and there was this lil old lady infront of me.

    She asked me "would you mind helping me checking my balance dear"

    I replied "sure" and i pushed her over.

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