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Thread: share ur jokes here

  1. #6581

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    Paddy took 2 stuffed dogs to the Antiques Roadshow.
    The presenter said, "This is a very rare set, produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists who operated in London at the turn of the last century.

    Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?"
    "Sticks!" Paddy replied

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  3. #6582

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    Knock Knock

    Whose there?

    Grandad

    QUICK, STOP THE CREMATION!

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  5. #6583

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    Just seen a bloke in Aldi buying a sombrero, pinata and some paella...

    I thought to myself, 'I can't believe it. Hispanic buying!'

    From behind the bushes


    "Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet."

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  7. #6584

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    Holly, Philip schofield and Gino de campo were walking over a bridge.

    Holly trips and gets her head stuck between the railings.

    Without a sideways glance, Gino pulls aside her G-String and fucks her senseless.

    He stands back and tells Phillip "your turn"!

    Phillip burst out into tears. "Whats wrong? Asks Gino.

    Phillip sobs, "My head won't fit in the railings"

    Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

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  9. #6585

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    Did you hear about the gay guy who had a tattoo of Mike Tyson on one arse cheek and George Forman on the other.
    When he dropped his pants and bent over to show his boyfriend, he said "You can fuck off, I'm not getting into the ring with those two"

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  11. #6586

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    My teen daughter was trying to feed her baby but she wasn't having any of it and wouldn't eat any of her dinner.

    "Try the Airplane", I said.

    Airplane? What is it?

    "It's a classic spoof film from the 1980s but that's not important right now"

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  13. #6587

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    Mary had a little skirt,
    With slits right up the sides,
    And every time she crossed her legs,
    The boys could see her thighs.
    Mary had another skirt,
    With a slit right up the front,
    She never wore that one.

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  15. #6588

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    Have you been hit with a rhythm stick!
    You may be entitled to personal Ian Dury

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  17. #6589

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    Have you been hit with a rhythm stick!
    You may be entitled to personal Ian Dury

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  19. #6590

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    Anne Frank's Diary is about to become the most plagiarized book of all time.

    Monday- Stayed in.
    Tuesday- Stayed in.
    Wednesday- Stayed in.
    Thursday- Stayed in.
    Friday- Stayed in.
    Saturday- Stayed in.
    Sunday- Stayed in.

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  21. #6591

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    Been playing Coranavirus roulette. It's a bit like Russian roulette, six of you have a loaded gun. but the first one to cough gets shot with five bullets.

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  23. #6592

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    I'm expecting a Large funeral.

    So is Syd little

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  25. #6593

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    5G is dangerous, if you sniff it all at once!

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  27. #6594

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    conjunctivitis.com

    A site for sore eyes!

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  29. #6595

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    I've just built an electric fence around my property. My neighbours dead against it.

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  31. #6596

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    Sorry I haven't posted on this thread before but I've been in hospital having an aggressive mole removed from my penis.
    So much to learn, so little time to learn it

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  33. #6597

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    Last time I try to fuck one of those!

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  35. #6598

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    I always keep my Nazi memorabilia stored safely in my kitchen.

    In the far right cupboard.

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  37. #6599

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    I bought myself a Blur alarm clock so I always wake up to the sound of Park Life,
    except on Wednesdays when I get rudely awaken by the dustmen.

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  39. #6600

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    Jeff Wayne couldn't believe it when he came home one evening to find
    his wife bringing herself to orgasm with a chocolate bar.
    "The chances of anyone coming from Mars, are a million to one!" he said.

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