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Thread: share ur jokes here

  1. #1

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    Default share ur jokes here

















    Teacher says to her class " when i point u out i want u to stand up and say a sentence with the word INPROPER in it " teacher points to a rich girl so she stands up n says "My daddy said he was going to use a spade instead of a shovel , that was INPROPER " Very good says the teacher then points to a girl from a council estate she stands and says" last nite when me fella bent me over and i felt his balls hitting the inside of me leg i knew he was IN PROPER ....

    ive started the thread plsease add to it peace
    Last edited by B.A.BARACUS; 24-05-14 at 12:00 PM.

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  3. #2

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    a woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted a man standing alone, she approached him "my name is carmen" she said, "beautiful name" the man replied.."yes" i gave it to myself as it reflects my 2 most favourite things.....cars&men! "whats your name"? "BEERCUNT" said the man.................

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    i used to hate weddings...... all the old aunties would poke me and say
    "YOUR NEXT"........... they soon stopped that fucking shit when i started doing the same to them at funerals.........................

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    man gets sentenced to prison and is took to his cell,he looks at his new cellmate who is a huge man mountain and thinks "oh god i just hope he is friendly or i am going to die".
    he politely says hi and the man mountain replies "do you want to play mummies and daddies"he thinks oh shit he's gay i'm going to get raped and killed"knowing he has no choice he replies o.k.the man mountain then asks if he would like to be mum or dad,his heart jumps as he sees there may be an easier less painful option and he replies"can i be daddy.
    manmountain then says"come and suck mummies cock then"

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    lmao lol funny shit beercunt lol

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  11. #6

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    The English Goverment Hahahahaha

    LOOK MEAN NOW UPUT HIM IN THE RING AND HE SHITS HIM SELF POKE HIM WITH A STICK AND U WACH HIS BALLS GROW (BRICK TOP)

    MY OUT DOOR DIARY TAKE A BUCHERS
    https://www.thctalk.com/cannabis-foru...ead.php?t=9594

    OUTDOOR- INDOOR GROW WHITE RHINO X CHEESE 2010
    [url]https://www.thctalk.com/cannabis-forum/showthread.php?23778-singal-white-rhino-x-cheese-garden-grow-(uk)

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  13. #7

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    Apparently arsenal fc have got a rare cross virus of swine and bird flu which will prevent them winning a trophy, its called " pigs might fu*king fly" flu
    ----------------
    DEC 2010 POTM 3RD PLACE !!! x2 cfl bulbs big bud x super silver haze , and super lemon haze
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    room 1 , sour cream and amnesia haze CFL SCROG[/U]
    https://www.thctalk.com/cannabis-foru...L-grow-by-Br4d[

    When i am good no one remembers ... when iam bad no one forgets

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    Dubya goes and meets the Queen and says 'I'm thinking about changing the US to a Kingdom.'
    The Queen replies, 'To have a kingdom you need to be a king.'
    'Ok, how about a principality?'
    'You need to be a prince'
    Dubya thinks hard, and the Queen sees he's struggling and she says,
    'Look, you're doing just fine as a country.....'
    My name is Michael Caine, and I, am a pirate killer.

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  17. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by TOMBONG View Post
    The English Goverment Hahahahaha
    and the jocks aint that far behind them either tom lol
    Quote Originally Posted by wert View Post
    i wonder if it will leave you a note ''dear john.....'' when it trundles off to the neighbors house that is growing with a 600w light instead of your 400w.........sneaky little ..........
    Fathers nearly silent fan and fillter modClick here

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    A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four".

    Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return.

    This time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!".

    Again, there's a bright flash...and his legs fall off.

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  21. #11

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    What do you call an animal with a C**t 1/2 way up its back?




    A policehorse
    "Its dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.''


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  23. #12

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    I was having a browse around town the other day and came upon this little hidden away antique shop. So I went in and had a look around and found this bronze rat for £2. Thought that seemed a little on the cheap side so I went up to the counter and asked if it was right. "£2 for the rat, £25 for the story about the rat" he said.

    I thought "fuck that", paid my two quid and pissed off. As I was walking down the street I saw a rat walking behind me. I didn't think much of it but by the time I got to the end of the road there were 4 rats. This freaked me out a little but things only got worse from there. 10 minutes later and I'm sprinting through town, there must be about a thousand rats following me at a similar speed. I'm running downhill, and eventually get to the River Mersey. Out of breath I throw the rat as far as I can into the river. I watch on in amazement, trying to catch my breath as about five thousand rats run straight past me, into the water and straight to their death.

    I turned around and marched straight back up to that antique shop. I pushed the door open loud enough to get the fellas attention.

    "I see you came back for the story,sir" he says with a smile.

    "Fuck that" I replied. "Any bronze Mancs"?

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    I'm not sure if editing posts is possible here.

    Either way..

    I got kicked out of the cinema last night for bringing my own food in with me.
    I was gutted. It's ages since I've had a barbecue.
    ________
    FOR SALE:

    38,000 Red and white flags, nearly new, only been waved for eight minutes.

    Contact: Mr. A. Wenger, Emirates Stadium, London, N5
    ______

    I have decided to produce and sell a strong alcoholic drink called "Responsibly".

    That way everyone in the country can get shit faced drinking responsibly.

    And all the other drinks makers will be advertising for me on their cans with the slogan "please drink responsibly".

    Probably will piss off the government as well.

    ________

    Coldplay have announced they will be giving away a free CD to every concert goer as a 'recession-busting mark of gratitude' to their fans.

    Well thank fuck for that. I'll be able to sleep easy now Chris, and not worry about losing my house.

    You cunt.

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    Ok, here goes (inform me if their to graphic or sick etc:

    After 20 years of sex in the dark, a wife finds out her husband has always used a dildo on her!
    She said "Explain the dildo prick!!!"

    He replies "Explain the kids bitch!!!"

    *********************************************

    How many alzheimers patients does it take to change a lightbulb?

    To get to the other side!!!

    ************************************************** ****

    Man falls in from the pub pissed, tiptoes up to bed, sneaks under the covers
    and works his way up to his wife and starts licking her out.
    15 mins later she cums with a big groan!
    All chuffed he goes to the toilet and see's his wife on the loo!
    Confused he says "What the Fuck..." "shuush" says his wife
    " you'll wake your mum"

    *************************************************

    Man goes to a library and asks for a book on Tourettes syndrome.
    Librarian says" Fuck off you daft cunt!"
    Man replies " Yeah, Thats the one"

    ************************************************** **
    Man is lying in bed with his new Thai wife who keeps stroking his cock.
    He says " Do you like my cock that much?"
    "No" she replies "I just miss mine"


    and finally

    An Alchoholic, a paedophile and a priest walk into a bar, and that was only the first guy...

    Buy the Ticket - Take the Ride

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  29. #15

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    what's red and yellow and looks good on hippies?






    FIRE!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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  31. #16

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    Quote Originally Posted by Judas View Post
    what's red and yellow and looks good on hippies?






    FIRE!
    Haha Class mate

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  33. #17
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    Bloke takes his wife to the doctors and the doc says 'well your wife either has Amnesia or Aids, so when you leave here drop her off five miles from home, if she finds her way home don't fuck her '

    Bloke says to his mate 'I dunno what to get my wife for her birthday', the other bloke says 'get her some slippers and a vibrator, if she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself'.

  34. #18

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    a friend of mine in the parachute regiment has been stationed up in switzerland for the last 3 years. He recently married a local girl who can wash up with one hand, cook with the other, dust with a foot while sucking his cock and opening a beer with her arse. Shes a swiss army wife :-)
    The Ganja Farmers First Indoor Grow with Bagseed!

    Finished! R.I.P Ladies....

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  36. #19

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    Default jokes

    Flowers £30.
    Dinner & film £90
    Hotel room afterwards £200
    ...The look on his face when she tells him she's on her rag £Fucking Priceless






    A medical professor was lecturing his 1st year students about involuntry muscle contractions, To liven things up he askes one of the female students ..
    "so for example do you know what a$$hole is doing when your having an orgasm?"
    she replies.."probably having a pint with his mates"





    An Irish woman has just been thrown off "who wants to be a millionaire" for masterbating.
    She didnt quite understand "fastest finger first.......!"






    Whats green and smells of bacon?
    kermits finger.





    When is a fairy not a fairy?
    when her mouth is around a pixies d1ck, then she a goblin

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  38. #20

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    Whats green and read and you find it int he gutter?.........a wounded snotter

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