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Thread: share ur jokes here

  1. #6241

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cleargreen View Post
    This one went way over my head
    Don't know why. It was there in plane sight.

    Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

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  3. #6242

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    Quote Originally Posted by RASTA View Post
    Don't know why. It was there in plane sight.

    Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
    ohhhh
    skin it roll it lick it twist it.


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  5. Default

    My boss was supposed to deliver a training course on Innuendo's in the workplace after so many staff members complained about me...

    Unfortunately, she wasn't well and couldn't attend, so I had to fill her slot instead!

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  7. #6244

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  9. #6245

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    Quote Originally Posted by IceCalibur View Post
    My boss was supposed to deliver a training course on Innuendo's in the workplace after so many staff members complained about me...

    Unfortunately, she wasn't well and couldn't attend, so I had to fill her slot instead!
    I actually started a class to teach people about sexual innuendos.

    No one has came yet.

    Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

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  11. Default

    Quote Originally Posted by RASTA View Post
    I actually started a class teach people about sexual innuendos.

    No one has came yet.

    Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
    Oh don't close up just yet, I'm coming as quickly as I can lol

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  13. #6247

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    Quote Originally Posted by IceCalibur View Post
    Oh don't close up just yet, I'm coming as quickly as I can lol
    Av just pulled out m8

    Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

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  15. Default

    Quote Originally Posted by RASTA View Post
    Av just pulled out m8

    Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
    Poor Sad..he was sleeping too! lol

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  17. Default

    I'll never join one of those online dating services. I prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way...

    Through alcohol and poor judgement!

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  19. Default

    I walked up to a girl in a bar and said, "You look like somebody who has a boring sex life. My mission tonight is to get you drunk, take you back to my house and give you the best shag ever."

    She said, "My boyfriend is right behind you."

    "Good, I'm glad I've got his support!"

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  21. #6251

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    A Russian, an American, and a Canadian were at a bar.

    The Russian says,"We were the first in space!"

    The American says, "We were the first on the moon!"

    The Canadian is silent for a while, and then exclaims confidently, "Then we shall be the first on the sun!"

    Both give him a confused look. After a few seconds pass, they realize the Canadian is serious, causing the two to burst into laughter. The Russian says, "You can't go to the sun! You'll burn up way before you even get near it!"

    The Canadian looks at him disappointedly, shakes his head, and responds, "Boris, I'm not an idiot. We'll do it at night!"

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  23. #6252

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    Russia vs US

    It has been going on for endless years so they decide to have a dog fight in 6 months time to see who will be considered winner of the war.
    The US invests heavily in steroids for dogs, medicine to improve reactions, implant shark teeth in their dog, cut its ears, its tail, oil it all up, basically anything that can give their contender an advantage.
    It ends up being a beast, as massive as a bull just in time for the fight.
    The Russians arrive as well at the meeting with a less impressive dog, really low and long, really ugly looking if it were to stand out through anything appart from its odd shape.
    Fight starts, the Russian dog pretty much kills the US dog with one bite.
    The Americans can't believe it. All that R&D, all those drugs did nothing. They do accept defeat but just have to know how the Russians did it.
    -Boris man, we spent all of our remaining money on making this dog as close to a mutant as possible and still your dog won. What the hell?
    -I hear you comrade John, but I have to admit that doing a plastic surgery on the alligator was difficult for us as well.

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  25. Default

    My wife said, "Why is the laptop all sticky?"

    I said, "It's not what you think, it's ice cream."

    She said, "How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?"

    I said, "Have you ever tried eating an ice cream whilst masturbating?"

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  27. Default

    The guy across the road told me he's sad because he just found out his wife has been fucking Dave the postman.

    "What? The fat ugly fucker I see every morning outside your house?" I asked.

    "Yes," he replied, cheering up.

    "Why would the postman want to shag her?" I said.

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  29. #6255

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    Quote Originally Posted by AND View Post
    A Russian, an American, and a Canadian were at a bar.

    The Russian says,"We were the first in space!"

    The American says, "We were the first on the moon!"

    The Canadian is silent for a while, and then exclaims confidently, "Then we shall be the first on the sun!"

    Both give him a confused look. After a few seconds pass, they realize the Canadian is serious, causing the two to burst into laughter. The Russian says, "You can't go to the sun! You'll burn up way before you even get near it!"

    The Canadian looks at him disappointedly, shakes his head, and responds, "Boris, I'm not an idiot. We'll do it at night!"
    That sounds like a joke the Dutch would make about Belgians

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  31. #6256

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cleargreen View Post
    That sounds like a joke the Dutch would make about Belgians
    Englishman, Irishman & Scotsman sprang to mind also...seems different countries have same humour...who knew

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  33. Default

    My wife texted me while she was out shopping. "Does this dress make me look fat?" she texted. "Noooooo," I replied. Unfortunately autocorrected changed it to, "Mooooo"...

    To cut a long story short, can anyone put me up for the night?

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  35. Default

    I phoned the tinnitus helpline earlier. It just kept ringing!



    There's funny noises coming from my teapot. It sounds like thunder and lightning to me...

    I think it must be a storm brewing

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  37. Default

    Anyone who says, "Love is more important than money"...

    Has clearly never tried paying off a loanshark with a cuddle!

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  39. Default

    Got attacked by two thugs the other night but somehow I managed to knock one out...

    Bit of an inopportune time I know, but it seemed to scare them off!

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