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Thread: share ur jokes here

  1. #6491

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    Quote Originally Posted by IceCalibur View Post
    For the past twenty years, I've been getting a Valentine's card from the same secret admirer. So, I was pretty sad not to get one this year.

    First my granny dies, now this?
    Had to think about this for a second. Lmfao

    Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

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  3. Default

    I answered the door this morning. A 6ft beetle punched me in the face and called me a twat...

    Apparently there's a nasty bug going round!

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  5. Default

    "Would you mind waiting for a while?" asked the manager.

    "Not at all," I replied.

    "Good," he said. "Take these burgers and chips to table 7!"

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  7. #6494

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    My wife left me so I nicked her wheelchair, she'll soon come crawling back
    STICK YOUR SKINS AND SPIN UP

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  9. Default

    I didn't understand what my wife meant when she told me I was holding the bag of pasta upside down...

    And then the penne dropped!

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  11. Default

    Just seen Elvis in B&Q...

    Returned a sander!

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  13. Default

    To make it easier to identify my herbs, I've been growing them in alphabetical order.

    When I showed my friend she said, "How do you find the time?"

    "Easy," I replied. "It's right next to the sage!"

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  15. #6498

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    John Travolta thought he had the Coronavirus.

    Turns out it was just a Saturday Night Fever...

    From behind the bushes


    "Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet."

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  17. #6499

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    My wife said I make love like a painter.

    I said, "Like Da Vinci, with smooth strokes, attention to detail and the result of a masterpiece?"

    "No," she said. "I mean like the Council. Rush the job, leave a fucking mess everywhere and I have to finish it myself!"

    From behind the bushes

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  19. #6500

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