share ur jokes here

[IceCalibur]

My wife said, "Why is the laptop all sticky?"

I said, "It's not what you think, it's ice cream."

She said, "How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?"

I said, "Have you ever tried eating an ice cream whilst masturbating?"

[IceCalibur]

The guy across the road told me he's sad because he just found out his wife has been fucking Dave the postman.

"What? The fat ugly fucker I see every morning outside your house?" I asked.

"Yes," he replied, cheering up.

"Why would the postman want to shag her?" I said.

[Cleargreen]

A Russian, an American, and a Canadian were at a bar.

The Russian says,"We were the first in space!"

The American says, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Canadian is silent for a while, and then exclaims confidently, "Then we shall be the first on the sun!"

Both give him a confused look. After a few seconds pass, they realize the Canadian is serious, causing the two to burst into laughter. The Russian says, "You can't go to the sun! You'll burn up way before you even get near it!"

The Canadian looks at him disappointedly, shakes his head, and responds, "Boris, I'm not an idiot. We'll do it at night!"

That sounds like a joke the Dutch would make about Belgians

[AND]

That sounds like a joke the Dutch would make about Belgians

Englishman, Irishman & Scotsman sprang to mind also...seems different countries have same humour...who knew

[IceCalibur]

My wife texted me while she was out shopping. "Does this dress make me look fat?" she texted. "Noooooo," I replied. Unfortunately autocorrected changed it to, "Mooooo"...

To cut a long story short, can anyone put me up for the night?

[IceCalibur]

I phoned the tinnitus helpline earlier. It just kept ringing!



There's funny noises coming from my teapot. It sounds like thunder and lightning to me...

I think it must be a storm brewing

[IceCalibur]

Anyone who says, "Love is more important than money"...

Has clearly never tried paying off a loanshark with a cuddle!

[IceCalibur]

Got attacked by two thugs the other night but somehow I managed to knock one out...

Bit of an inopportune time I know, but it seemed to scare them off!

[IceCalibur]

My mate set me up on a blind date.

He said, "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know. She's expecting a baby."

I felt like a right fucking idiot waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a nappy!

[IceCalibur]

Had the shits for 6 weeks now.

Went to the doctors today and he told me not to worry and that they go back to school on Wednesday!