share ur jokes here

**RASTA** · 19-08-19, 11:43 PM

Originally Posted by Bud Lightyear

Doctor gave me some suppositories last week I've been back today to complain....Told him these things are feckin useless I may as well stick them up my arse

Regards BL

Love this one

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

**lipnobody** · 19-08-19, 11:47 PM

Originally Posted by AND

A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed. He asked her where she was going and she replied: "I'm going to Las Vegas." He asked her why she was going. She told him: "I just found out that as a woman I can make £400 a night doing what I give you for free." He went into the house, packed his bags and returned to the porch. His wife said: "And just where do you think you are going?" "I'm going too!" he replied. "Why?" she asked. "I want to see how you are going to live on £800 a year!"

creased here
reminds me of that goodun with the face cream n the beer in asda/tescos/walmart

**AND** · 20-08-19, 12:28 AM

Adam was talking to his friend at the bar, and said: "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stuck."

His friend said: "I have an idea! Why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled." Adam decided to take his friend's advice. The next day at the bar his friend said: "Well? Did you take my suggestion?" "Yes, I did," Adam replied. "Did she like it?" "Oh yes! She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling: "I'll be back in an hour!!"

**IceCalibur** · 20-08-19, 02:10 PM

My wife used to work as a magicians assistant and she picked up a few tricks.

I came home from work early and she was in the bedroom, she said, "Abracadabra!" and my best mate came out of the wardrobe, stark naked.

The poor bastard must have wondered what the fuck was going on!

**AND** · 20-08-19, 06:15 PM

Two girlfriends are chatting. "Have you heard about the new husband shopping centre in town?" one asks. "It's a four-floor building where women can go to choose a husband from hundreds of eligible men. The only rule is, once you go up a floor, you can't go down, except to leave the place never to return. Let's try it out." So, the pair head off to the shopping centre. Climbing the stairs to the first floor, they find a sign on a door reading, "These men have jobs and love kids." "Well, that's better than not having a job or loving kids," says one, "but I wonder what's further up." On the second floor, they are greeted by a sign that says, "These men have high-paying jobs, love kids and are extremely good-looking."

The ladies are tempted, but decide to go on. On the third floor, a sign says, "These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good-looking and help with the housework." So, up they go to the fourth floor, where the sign on the door reads, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please."

**Easy-T** · 20-08-19, 08:00 PM

The female caretaker in my office asked whether I would hang out with her and smoke marijuana...

I said, "No, I can't deal with a high maintenance woman!"

**Easy-T** · 20-08-19, 08:01 PM

I employed a new gardener and gave him a list of tasks to do.

When I returned he'd only done tasks 1, 3, 5 and 7 on the list...

Turns out he's just an odd job man!