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Thread: share ur jokes here

  1. #6571

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    You gotta hand it to midgets.

    Because some times they can't reach.

    Breaking news, midget holds seance for charity and runs off with the takings.

    Small medium at large.


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  3. #6572

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    I ordered a thesaurus from Amazon but when it was delivered all the pages were blank.
    I have no words to describe how angry I am.

    We were so poor growing up, that for breakfast we had ordinary K.


    To the Scumbag that stole 300 cans of RedBull from my shop, I don't know how you can sleep at night.

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  5. #6573

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    Me: "Sweet dog you got there"

    Policeman: "Yes, this is our new drug-sniffing dog."

    Me: "Still in training, huh?"

    Policeman: "What do you mean?"

    Me: "Nevermind.



    Sky News Headlines: Teenage boy stabbed to death outside McDonalds restaurant in east London.
    That really sickens me when I read things like that, calling McDonalds a fucking restaurant.



    Do you know what the cure for broken noses and black eyes is?

    Not being such a cunt.

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  8. Default

    Youths have stolen all the bus stop signs down my road...

    Where do they get off?

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  10. #6576

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    Apparently, North Korea now has a missile that can hit New York, which is a bit scary.

    If it can make it there, it can make it anywhere.

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  12. #6577

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    The boss of Ryanair, Michael O'Leary, walks into a Dublin bar and orders a pint of Guinness. The Landlord says, "That'll be one Euro please Mr O'Leary." O'Leary replies, "You're a man after me own heart, do you know all the other bars around here charge five Euros for a pint of Guinness?" The Landlord responds, "I have to be honest Mr O'Leary I took a leaf out of your book, slashed the cost of everything and business is booming." O'Leary hands over one Euro and with a smile, the Landlord asks, "Will you be wanting a glass with your Guinness sir ?"

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  14. #6578

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    Apparently, only 95% of men know how to turn on a dishwasher.

    Personally I always find that licking her nipples and lightly fingering her pussy does the trick.

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  16. #6579

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    Paddy took 2 stuffed dogs to the Antiques Roadshow.
    The presenter said, "This is a very rare set, produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists who operated in London at the turn of the last century.

    Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?"
    "Sticks!" Paddy replied

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  18. #6580

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    Knock Knock

    Whose there?

    Grandad

    QUICK, STOP THE CREMATION!

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