share ur jokes here

[dodger1888]

I went to a nightclub called 'The Fleapit' recently.

The place was jumping.

[dodger1888]

What does Lindsay Lohan weigh?

Drugs, most likely

[dodger1888]

I was with my girlfriend earlier. She wasn't amused when I called out "do you want two fingers or four" across the shop while buying her a kit-kat.

[dodger1888]

Whenever I read A newspaper, it's always, 'Rapist strikes again!' or 'Paedo strikes again!'

Our prisons must have awesome ten pin bowling teams.

[canine]

A Glaswegian takes his girlfriend home for the first time and introduces her to his parents "this is Amanda", his dad jumps up and says "it's a fuckin what".

[dodger1888]

This evening my wife decided that she didn't want to cook a meal for us both. Her reasoning was that the best chefs in the world are male, so I should cook.

I then explained to her that the best pornstars in the world are female, so I should fuck her up the arse and cum on her face.

We got a take-away.

[Spiked]

A fellow was walking through a cemetery one dark and stormy night. As he got well into the cemetery, he heard a voice say, "Mark! Mark!".

Pretending not to let it bother him, he pulled his coat a little tighter and kept walking. Again the voice said, "Mark! Mark!". That did it.

He took off full speed and didn't stop till he was well outside the gates. As he stopped to catch his breath, the moon broke through the clouds enough so he could see what had been following him. It was a dog with a hare lip.

[B.A.BARACUS]

A lesbian regained consciousness in hospital. She saw a doctor, a nurse and a young man by her bed.

"You're lucky to be alive," said the doctor. "Your car crashed in a blizzard, and this young man found you unconscious. He rang for an ambulance, but it couldn't get through the snow. So he carried you all the way here in the cold, and we found you needed a blood transfusion. Fortunately, his blood group is the same as yours, so he gave some of his. Then he phoned a garage and got your car picked up, and now it's fixed. So you'll be okay, and this nurse has driven your car here, so that's ready."

The lesbian said, "Thank you EVER so much." She reached up and hugged the nurse, then snarled at the young man, "Too much trouble for you to go and fetch my car, was it?"

[B.A.BARACUS]

Bob and Mike are sitting in the pub.

"It's funny," says Bob, "I was wondering for years where my wife spent her evenings."

"And you found out?" asks Mike.

"Aye," says Bob. "I went home early one evening last week and there she was."

[dodger1888]

I was at the JobCentre the other day when my 'Advisor' asked me what I had been doing this week to find work.

Apparently, "random acts of prostitution" is not an acceptable response.