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Thread: share ur jokes here

  1. #3361

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    The other day I told my neighbour Jerome that he was like Marmite.
    He said, "What, you either love me or you hate me?"
    I said, "No, you're black and you stink."

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  3. #3362

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    My best mate is entering the X-Factor this year and I wanted to give him all the help and support I can.
    So I killed his mum.

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  5. #3363

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    An old man was in hospital. Lying in bed, he leaned over to the pretty young nurse attending to him and whispered in her ear

    "Give us a kiss, luv!"

    "No!", replied the nurse

    "Oh go on!", said the man

    "No!", replied the nurse again

    "Please!", begged the old man, "Just a quick peck on the cheek?"

    "For the last time, no!", said the nurse, "I shouldn't even be wanking you off!"

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  7. #3364

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    What do America's 300,000 battered women have in common?

    They just wouldn't fucking listen.

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  9. #3365

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    Fifteen skinheads chased a Pakistani into a shop and proceed to kick seven flavours of shit out of him. Eventually, the police arrived and arrested everyone.
    One of the coppers walked over to the shop assistant and asked if he saw it all happen.
    When the clerk replied, "Yes," the cop asked why he didn't help out.
    "I thought fifteen was enough," came the reply.

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  11. #3366

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    Apparently, I can't say "Black paint!" any more.

    I have to be PC and say, "Please paint that wall, Leroy."

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  13. #3367

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    A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub.

    She says "Show me it's true what they say about black men".

    So he stabs her and nicks her purse.

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  15. #3368

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    Just had a water fight over the park with a bunch of local kids.
    I won!
    No one's a match for me and my kettle.

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  17. #3369

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    After having a good shit, I sprayed my aftershave to cover up the smell.

    Now my bathroom just smells like a turd is getting ready for a night out.

  18. #3370

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    With Britain becoming worse and worse by the day, I propose that we all seek asylum somewhere.
    I suggest Pakistan:
    We could build a huge church in the middle of Islamabad that dominates the skyline, set up chippys and shops on every corner, assault the locals who dare to come into "our" part of town, set up specialist shops selling pork products and non-halal meat, protest to the government that the name "Ramadan" is offensive to our religion, and ask that they make it more inclusive by changing it to "Starve Yourself Fest."

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