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Thread: share ur jokes here

  1. #3371

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    When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking.

    And then I saw her face.

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  3. #3372

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    I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.

    I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it fucking start?"

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  5. #3373

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    I got kicked off 'The Weakest Link' when Anne Robinson asked me, "Why have you chosen Asif"?
    Apparently, "Because he is a fucking Paki," is not a suitable answer.

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  7. #3374

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    3 kids in school one day.

    The teacher asks them, "What do cows say?"

    Amy replies "moo!"

    Teacher then asks, "What do sheep say?"

    Jack replies, "baa!"

    Teacher then asks, "What do pigs say?"

    Leroy says "Freeze motherfuckin' nigger, what's in the fuckin' bag?"

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  9. #3375

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    Saw a chameleon today.

    So I guess it's safe to say it was a pretty shit chameleon.

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  11. #3376

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    A farm boy accidentally overturned a wagonload of corn. A farmer, who lived nearby, heard the noise and yelled to the boy, "Hey, Willis, forget your troubles and come in for a visit. I'll help you pick the wagon up later."

    "That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but Pa wouldn't like me to."

    "Aw, come on, boy," the farmer insisted.

    "Well, OK" the boy finally agreed, "but Pa won't like it."

    After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."

    "Don't be foolish," the neighbor said with a smile; "by the way, where is he?"

    "Under the wagon," replied the boy.

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  13. #3377

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    Sex After Death

    A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife.

    Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife. After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word he made contact, "Connie....Connie. "

    "Is that you, Joe?"

    "Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

    "What's it like?"

    "Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast, off to the golf course, I have sex. I bathe in the sun, and then I have sex
    twice. I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After supper, golf course again. Then have sex until late at night. The next day it starts again."

    "Oh, Joe you surely must be in heaven."

    "Not exactly, I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona."

  14. #3378

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    An old man gets on a crowded bus and no one gives him a seat. As the bus shakes, the old man cane slips on the floor and he falls. As he gets up, a seven-year-old kid, sitting nearby turns to him and says, “ Sir if you put a little rubber thingy on the end of your stick, it wouldn't slip." The old man snaps back, “Well, if your daddy did the same thing seven years ago, I would have a seat today

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  16. #3379

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    Q. Why do they put a Cock on top of a Church Tower.

    A. If they put a cunt on it the wind would blow through .
    <a href=https://www.thctalk.com/cannabis-forum/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=10866&dateline=1292190185 target=_blank>https://www.thctalk.com/cannabis-foru...ine=1292190185</a>



    https://www.thctalk.com/cannabis-foru...-6-sexy-auto-s


    NEVER MIND THE BOLLOCKS HERE'S THE MUFF MEISTER.........

    DUCT TAPE
    Turning "No,No,No" Into "Mmm,Mmm,Mmm
    Since 1941

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  18. #3380

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    First of all Thatcher Die's, Then Ferguson retires, Somewhere theres a Scouser with a Lamp and one wish left..................

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