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Thread: Thought Of The Day Thread

  1. #41

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    A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said, 'Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.'
    The Lord led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in.
    In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water.

    The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful. But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths. The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.

    The Lord said, 'You have seen Hell.'

    They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one.
    There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking.
    The holy man said, 'I don't understand.'

    'It is simple,' said the Lord. 'It requires but one skill. You see they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves.'

    Regards BL

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  3. #42

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    I really need to get my card....

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  5. #43

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    Who would win a fight in a pool, a disabled polar bear or a gang of seals?

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  7. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by Evo8 View Post
    Who would win a fight in a pool, a disabled polar bear or a gang of seals?
    Depends whether or not they're in the shallow end..

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  9. #45
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    My thought of the day.....

    People need to get voting in melloweds big bong comp!

    https://www.thctalk.com/cannabis-foru...-big-bong-vote

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  11. #46

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    I reckon your bit of a Petrol Head on the quiet Bunda lol
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  13. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by spiked View Post
    I reckon your bit of a Petrol Head on the quiet Bunda lol
    Nothing quiet about it mate, I'm a petrol head through and through! But the only time ill be sucking on a petrol can is if its the
    "petrol bong"

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  15. #48

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    When posh birds have sex, do they scream out "I'm cuming"
    Or is it "ones arriving "

    Regards BL

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  17. #49

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    fuck it shit happens

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  19. #50
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    I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.

    Confucius.

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  21. #51

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    GOD: chatting with St Francis. You know all about gardens and nature.
    What in the world is going on down there on the planet?
    What happened to the dandelions, violets, milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago?
    I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan.
    Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon.
    The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds.
    I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.”

    ST. FRANCIS: It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord.
    They started calling your flowers ‘weeds’ and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

    GOD: Grass? But, it’s so boring. It’s not colorful. It doesn’t attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms.
    It’s sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

    ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green.
    They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

    GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

    ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.

    GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

    ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

    GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

    ST. FRANCIS: No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

    GOD: Now, let me get this straight.
    They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

    ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.

    GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat.
    That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

    ST. FRANCIS: You aren’t going to believe this, Lord.
    When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

    GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself.
    The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer.
    In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It’s a natural cycle of life.

    ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle.
    As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

    GOD: No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

    ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch.
    They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

    GOD: And where do they get this mulch?

    ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

    GOD: Enough! I don’t want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you’re in charge of the arts.
    What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

    ST. CATHERINE: ‘Dumb and Dumber’, Lord. It’s a story about….

    GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.


    Regards BL

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  23. #52
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    Funny one Bud

    Bit like the old lady and the recycling....

    Being Green

    Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the older woman, that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.

    The woman apologized and explained, "We didn't have this green thing back in my earlier days."

    The young clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment f
    or future generations."

    She was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.

    Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were truly recycled.

    But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

    Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags, that we reused for numerous things, most memorable besides household garbage bags, was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our schoolbooks. This was to ensure that public property, (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags.

    But too bad we didn't do the green thing back then.

    We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.

    But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.

    Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throwaway kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.

    But that young lady is right; we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

    Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.

    But she's right; we didn't have the green thing back then.

    We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.

    But we didn't have the green thing back then.

    Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint.

    But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?

    Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smart ass young person.

    We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.
    Source Lake Travis

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  25. #53

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    That got me thinking Icon

    Hot water bottle instead of Electric Blankets.

    Single glazed windows and one fire, no Double glazing and the central heating full on throughout the house.

    White dog shit because we fed them on left over food and scraps, no fancy all in one dried food.

    Shoes that we were told " You'll grow into them" and they were falling off your feet before you got another pair.

    Who ever had a coat that you didnt have turn the cuffs back so you could see your hands " You'll grow into it"

    Who had a Bike that you could touch the floor whilst sat on the saddle without being on tip toe, as above.

    Kids these days dont know what its like to make do..........Funny as Fuck though when you look back lol

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  27. #54

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    Its great my way, no kids in the park. Dog dont attack any one playing football cause there all indoors playing FIFA on the PS3 or XBOX.


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  29. #55

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    Quote Originally Posted by spiked View Post
    That got me thinking Icon

    Hot water bottle instead of Electric Blankets.

    Single glazed windows and one fire, no Double glazing and the central heating full on throughout the house.

    White dog shit because we fed them on left over food and scraps, no fancy all in one dried food.

    Shoes that we were told " You'll grow into them" and they were falling off your feet before you got another pair.

    Who ever had a coat that you didnt have turn the cuffs back so you could see your hands " You'll grow into it"

    Who had a Bike that you could touch the floor whilst sat on the saddle without being on tip toe, as above.

    Kids these days dont know what its like to make do..........Funny as Fuck though when you look back lol
    they dont do they my 9 year old wants a phone and facebook cause everyone in her class has one, erm nae chance your 9 she would rather go on internet or xbox these days. prob my fault i dont let her wander streets lol

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  31. #56

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    Unfortunately Bun thats a sign of the times, at least you know shes safe...........

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  33. #57
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    This is the reason our football has gone down hill IMHO

    Brazil and Other countries the kids only have a ball for entertainment

    ATB
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  35. #58

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    I hate being bipolar. It's fucking ace!

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  37. #59

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    Quote Originally Posted by spiked View Post
    Unfortunately Bun thats a sign of the times, at least you know shes safe...........
    exactly i will deal with the fall out from it when she a teen and i can knock her out lol

    sent from my Galaxy ace far far away

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  39. #60

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    Quote Originally Posted by stonedbunny View Post
    exactly i will deal with the fall out from it when she a teen and i can knock her out lol
    That's what I call old school parenting. Lol

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